He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
