This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
