I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
