So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
