Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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