Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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