i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
