I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
