"it" just moved
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
