K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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