I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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