hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
