maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
