i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
