When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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