Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
