dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
