What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
