I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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