...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
