I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
