ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
