You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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