I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
