And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
