He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
