Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize