i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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