there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I could make wine with my vomit
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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