I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
