Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
