I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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