I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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