sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
