dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize