it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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