this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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