Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
