you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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