John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
