Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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