I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
