My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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