I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
