you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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