he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
