i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize