I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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