he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
