she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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