just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
