dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
