On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
