i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
