he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
