i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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