I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
