I just cut my nipple shaving
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
