After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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