I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
