he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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