yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
