First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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