Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
