i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
