i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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