It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
