I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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