I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
