watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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