I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
