3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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