whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
