Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
