i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
