I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
