Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
