I hope my margaritas pass through security.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
