She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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