I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
