then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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