dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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