woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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