Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
