we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
