So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
