Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
