took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
