Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
