i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
