Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
