just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
