So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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