C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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