we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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