Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
that's an acceptable place to lick
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
