He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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