Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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