the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
