No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
