Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize