I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
